Jack or Jackie?

First emotionally and then physically. Dizziness, hot weather and she could not walk anymore. Like not at all. We went to the ZOO and it was there, where our nanny took a few steps and could not go further. I understood that in the tropical heat above + 30 C it would be impossible to carry both of them. Moreover, it was clear to me too, that the main reason and the primary one is mental state, but the physical condition follows behind. At this time of the day, instead of usual nutrients we are having, we got a sudden iron drop in the body, and it can really make you feel dizzy and sick. It is clear that Lena could not stay here. Obviously. But what should I do? I urgently needed to find a kindergarten. Together with my colleague, she took care of our visas and followed closely so that I wouldn’t run away together with the nanny. She is not only a colleague, but my boss as well. She keeps her finger on the pulse and is understands space in a flash. Additionally, she is in charge of controlling the entire movement of passengers. She needs me, and that's why she's doing everything so I don't have to think, like a babysitter. In our office the two main topics in these days were “nanny”, and “where to find a child car seat for a reasonable price”? At that time, I did not have spare 400 euros for the car seat to spend, so the whole office began the search and soon we went to see with our own eyes the local kindergartens. After having visited several, I was very pleasantly surprised by many things-children in the kindergarten have beautiful uniforms and matching backpacks. All of them had spacious playgrounds in the premises with a slide and games. Spacious, about 60 sq m. Separate rooms for study, for games, a dining room, and the sleeping space located further away. In fact, I was overwhelmed by the feeling that in Europe we are looking a little bit down on others, but it turns out that here, with all its simplicity, they are much more ahead of us. By the way, I've been dealing already with three kindergartens back home. We have 90% of kindergartens from Soviet times, where nothing has changed, not a lot of renovation in the premises, but in general everything feels as it was back in those times. Additionally, in new private kindergartens, which are built either in the middle of the field, or in a private house, the kids are brought to play in the yards of multi-storey buildings, because there is no playground. As it was when I lived in an apartment building on the first floor, where all the neighbours were growling and frowning that the kids were using their playground. Or even worse in Old Riga, where kindergarten is located on some narrow street, where there isn’t direct sunlight, no playground, just a pretentious name and high price. And it seems to be glorified and expensive, but the premises are narrow, and illogical in every possible way. When you enter the door, the cold air blows directly on the children, it feels like I'm leaving the child at the train station, but for some unknown reason the kindergarten is trendy. Also worth of special attention is the attitude towards children of our educators and nannies, which very often makes you wish for better. In comparison the kids are really taught here. This is really a school. Teachers fold their palms together teaching them to greet, and say goodbye to the educators and other children. They are teaching them to do various daily activities independently. The parents come with the child to the kindergarten gate, teachers take over from there and do everything themselves, which is correct, as it seems to me. This prevents the “circus”, that I went through with Erlend and Gabriel in their kindergarten periods, from happening. Every morning in the wardrobe near the lockers there is a screaming and crying, prolonged goodbyes of parents, tears, snot, whims. Mom doesn't know what to do, and the teachers or nannies, by and large, don't bother with what happens in the locker room. Deal with everything yourself! After the hysterics of the kid, who has been going crazy for God knows how much time already, because he understands that his mother is not experienced enough and is gaining the upper hand over his parents, they are now trying to send him to a group with all the children. In contrast here, in my opinion, everything is really simple, clear and logical. There is also free time for kids from 16:00 - 17:00, when the big TV screen at the playground turns on, which is also a rather funny moment - a cinema for such babies. Whoever wants to can watch and whoever doesn't acn playing. Officially it's their "free time". In Thailand, kindergartens, schools, and the education system in general is very expensive. Their idea is based on natural selection. If you have money, you will have education, if you don't, you stay at home and the probability of “getting into people” is reduced to zero. Starting from kindergarten, parents pay a significant amount of money. If we convert the amount to our money, it is 100 euros a month. For the locals here it is a lot of money. Then in primary school, starting from first grade, the amount of payment increases many times. Thailand dos not have the concept of free education as we do. Education here is something special, something very, very expensive. The university is already a level when the “intelligentsia” is sifted out from the “middle class”. Mass entrance examinations are held, and if a young person studies at a university, then his status rises above the masses. Parents strictly check the child's grades and achievements, at least those parents who are in my circle of friends. Money doesn't grow on trees here, only bananas. 😊 We found our kindergarten in the second half of September, but we had to wait until 2 October. Formalities. And it doesn't matter whether they spent one week at the kindergarten or the whole month, everyone is obliged to pay for the complete month, this is the order. Okay, so far so good. But I have to be at work at 05:20 AM, and Teodor is still asleep at that time, how to deal with this? I am offered different options: One of them is that I take Teodor with me and while I am flying, the team is taking care of him. This option was dropped immediately. This is nonsense! How am I going to carry my little boy with me every morning? We are looking for another solution. Suddenly, a team member introduces his daughter, who is currently on vacation from school until October 15th. She can come to the rescue. My colleague noted in advance that her daughter speaks just a little English. Our meeting with a new potential nanny is scheduled 2 weeks from now on October 2nd in the office. Before that there are no options. Only the night of October 3rd to October 4th when Lena flies away. From the day when decision was made to go home, Lena's health suddenly improved. A smile appeared on her face, and I saw that in her thoughts she is long gone, waiting to finally be in the plane. Then in another and another, which would fly her to the homeland. A girl who looks like the one from the cartoon Lilo & Stitch finally is coming. She is smiling, and smiling very sweet. As soon as she entered the room, it was already clear to me – HER! She will be the one. I asked her to write her “nick name” on a piece of paper. She wrote GIFT in block letters. I was stunned at that moment. When I thought about my children, about what nickname I would give them, then Teodors would have this one. The meaning of “Teodors” from the Greek language is God's Gift. From the moment of conception, I feel him as my great gift of life, which I received from the Universe. With his coming into my life, I became more beautiful in different ways. I changed my whole life upside down and every turn was difficult to do, but pleasant in the result. What? Now, from October the 2nd I have 2 gifts at once? 😊I smile and understand that she knows English at a level in which she is just aware that such a language exists. But we have a mediator, a translator, my boss’s “godmother”. She is useful and she needs me, because the way I do my job suits all parties involved. They don't want to let me go, so they do everything they can. Agreement on paper. Opening hours, number of days and payment. Everything is simple. On the evening of 3rd of October, dad and also the team's driver, (by the way his nickname is Pi-pi. I don’t know how parents could feel that a new-born baby will be dealing with cars in the future), brought his Gift to another Gift. 😊 The girl does not need to be taught or told anything. She has a brother of the same or similar age at home. Using my hands and google translate, I try to explain that Lena and I will go to the supermarket. With cosmic speed, like two Cinderellas, we are putting on our shoes. This is the first time within a month, when we break out somewhere without a child. We have been taking care of the baby the whole month, and both of us were tied. Where can you run with a small baby at home? We jump into the car with the feeling of adolescence. Now what? Freedom? YEEE! My head is spinning! But we understand that we have only a couple of hours available. It is already an evening and soon we should be back, because our two “gifts” are still strangers to each other. So ... Both of us have a shopping list to buy some little Thai souvenirs. We agreed that in Lena's suitcase would be room for several of my envelopes. As a writer, I love paper. For as long as I can remember, postcards are my weakness. I probably over did it, by sending my mom about 12 different postcards, thus wishing to show my mother everything that I have here. 😊 Thanks to Lena's departure, I did the job that I had thought to do in Latvia for past 3-4 years. Dividing people into groups. It was work for many hours. I wrote starting with the most significant ones, which, of course, is my family. Strange, but I also included people who are not physically a family, but I feel them as such. I wrote down dates of birth and name days of everyone. Now I also want to order a calendar with each birthday with a photo, so that I know who has a celebration. So, after finishing the list, I realized that Lena’s departure is a great opportunity to send some cute little things that will remind about me and Thailand to my friends, and to please them. Souvenirs, coffee from Starbucks. What is so special about it? It’s the feeling that you can buy some kind of trinket, a cup of coffee and enjoy, like a delicious delicacy. For Lena and me this is our last evening. We ourselves know how those who stay and those who are already on the platform feel ... At night, until the last moment before taking Lena to the airport, I am still in a hurry to sort my envelopes, little souvenirs and things, in which I put the true feeling that I feel here towards each of them. The list was made not by the mind, but by the heart, where, of course first of all, is my family and not only on the physiological, but on the level of feelings. It is still night- time, when we drive to the airport. We are talking a little. We had no sleep, and didn’t have time for talking last evening. I drove as if I had lived in Chiang Mai for whole life. Everything is going like clockwork, despite the fact that the first and only time I was at the airport, was when we arrived. But I find the way without a hitch. Lena is no longer here, only the body is present. And only an agitated mind, like a monkey in a glass cage, lark around and asks what will happen if something happens in Bangkok? What if ... if ... if ...? I am looking at her and thinking, Dear Little Fool! Very soon, and without a sarcophagus you will be at the gate in the airport of Riga. We ourselves know how long the road THERE takes, and how quickly the road goes HOME when we return. At the airport entrance, Lena lifts the suitcase with great force and is ready to take off immediately. I hugged her and tears rolled down to my cheeks. I am the only one who is crying. Staying behind on the platform is always more painful ... After the airport I am going directly for a morning balloon flight. I can’t stop the tears. Everyone knows that I just said goodbye to the nanny. Here we have our own relationship, like in a family. For each next question – “how are you feeling”? I'm bursting in tears. Oh Lord, I'm not in shape to fly today. I didn’t sleep, I’m upset, I can’t hold the tears. A bright sun-drenched morning. Sunglasses are saving me again. My “godmother and boss” pats my elbow, and asks if the team can start turning on the fans? I swallow tears that are rolling down my cheeks. Big, big tears on my cheeks. I can't say anything. I nod my head. It really hurts this morning. Because sometimes you don't need anything else, just a person besides. And Lena, from the moment I saw her, felt as an equal partner in the situation. My student girl comes. She is not saying anything. She is looking at me and is standing nearby. Humanly and reliably. I cannot stop crying. The tears are falling like rain here in Thailand. Huge, giant drops. When I lift the balloon, I must see the opening into which to direct the fire. This was the first time in my life when raising the balloon, both hands was busy, and tears were falling down. It felt like five elements collided at the same time. Water flows down my cheeks and I don't see anything through my glasses. In front of me- the fire, which will lift us into the air. There is earth and metal as well. Once, in some ancient book of Indian wisdom, I read about five elements that are present in every person, whether in one proportion or another. At that time, I felt myself as a metal mixed with water. And here I am. I am holding the metal handles and I am getting wet in the water... The flight is wonderful! A group of smart, versatile people from Australia and Singapore are sharing their adventures in other parts of the world, and, as if knowing that the eyes under the glasses are swollen and my heart is bleeding, are telling me that there are still a lot of things ahead in my life. It sounded so embarrassing, I even asked - I am sorry? The answer was that I look like a person who has great events ahead. They definitely will be waiting for me in Singapore! After the flight, they are writing their home addresses, phone numbers and places I must visit in Singapore in my notebook. A girl from Australia wrote in capital letters- FIJI ISLANDS...